Young people realize one day, pretty much out of the blue, that they are feeling sexual energy and that it is focused toward someone of some gender. Not unlike a compass swinging north, their body, on its own, becomes aware of a focal point of sexual interest. That is sexual orientation: who they are oriented to being sexual with. It precedes behavior. It just is. No choice of day, time or person is involved...
Sexual discovery is a process that unfolds within each of us. Before it starts we cannot plot or predict our path.
For example, my sisters and I each had our own sexual discoveries. I certainly did not choose to have my discoveries be different than theirs.
Regardless whether it was our genes or our upbringing (nature or nurture) that led to our discoveries, by the time they happened, they happened. Over time my sisters' discoveries solidified so they recognized their heterosexuality; over time mine solidified so I recognized homosexuality.
With those realizations in hand and heart, no choice was available to any one of us except whether to be true to our realizations -- our orientations -- or not."
Go to Home Page for more book excerpts